1. THE DUDE GUY
The Passive Avoidant Operator
PSYCHOLOGY:
Grew up learning to avoid conflict by disappearing. The nervous system defaults to freeze. Low agency. High agreeableness. Identity built around “being easy.”
BEHAVIOUR PROFILE:
Drifts through life
Never leads, rarely decides
Passive, conflict-avoidant
Nicest guy in the room, least reliable
No urgency, no direction
ADDICTION RISK:
Weed
Gaming
Porn
Escapism
Low-intensity numbing
IMPACT ON PARTNER:
She feels alone even when he’s home.
Everything falls on her shoulders.
She loses attraction because he won’t step into leadership.
IMPACT ON KIDS:
Kids don’t see a model of confidence or direction.
LONG-TERM LOSS:
Invisible man syndrome.
Life happens to him.
Resentment builds quietly.
Marriage dissolves from lack of polarity.
LONG-TERM WIN:
He becomes a grounded, decisive, calm male presence.
A stable father.
A man who finally stands for something.
THE FIX:
Identity reconstruction, agency training, micro-decision reps, nervous system activation, boundary creation, masculine direction.
2. THE YARDWORK GUY
The Task-Hyperfocus Avoider
PSYCHOLOGY:
Coping through productivity.
Emotions = threat.
Childhood conditioning: “Be useful, not emotional.”
BEHAVIOUR PROFILE:
Constantly busy
Never still
Mistakes motion for meaning
Avoids emotional conversations
Outsources intimacy to productivity
ADDICTION RISK:
Workaholism
Fitness obsession
Achievement loops
Silent resentment
IMPACT ON PARTNER:
She feels unsupported emotionally.
He thinks doing chores = connection.
It isn’t.
IMPACT ON KIDS:
Kids experience him as helpful but emotionally distant.
LONG-TERM LOSS:
Burnout.
Emotional numbness.
Partner feels like she’s living with a roommate.
LONG-TERM WIN:
Keeps his relentless work ethic but pairs it with emotional availability and leadership.
THE FIX:
Emotional decoding, presence training, somatic slowing, rest programming, and identity untangling from productivity.
3. THE VOLCANO GUY
The Reactive, Explosive Nervous System
PSYCHOLOGY:
Fight-response dominant.
Hypervigilant upbringing.
Feels unsafe internally, so he controls externally.
BEHAVIOUR PROFILE:
Anger flashes
Impulsive reactions
Regret cycles
Fear under the fire
Loves intensity, hates vulnerability
ADDICTION RISK:
Anger loops
Alcohol
High-dopamine behaviours
Conflict addiction
IMPACT ON PARTNER:
Fear, withdrawal, emotional shutdown, walking on eggshells.
IMPACT ON KIDS:
Kids remember tone, not words.
Their nervous systems adapt to chaos.
LONG-TERM LOSS:
Destroys relationships slowly.
Ends up alone, angry, misunderstood.
LONG-TERM WIN:
Becomes a warrior with wisdom instead of a grenade with a heartbeat.
THE FIX:
Nervous system regulation, anger pattern rewiring, emotional literacy, grounding protocols.
4. THE ACHIEVEMENT GUY
The Performance Identity Prison
PSYCHOLOGY:
Self-worth tied to output.
“Earn love by winning.”
Constant pressure. Never enough.
BEHAVIOUR PROFILE:
Goal obsessed
Restless
Work > everything
Confuses accomplishment with identity
Terrified of stillness
ADDICTION RISK:
Work
Status
Achievement highs
Image management
IMPACT ON PARTNER:
She gets the leftovers.
Connection feels transactional.
IMPACT ON KIDS:
Kids learn that love is performance-based.
LONG-TERM LOSS:
Midlife collapse.
Nothing feels meaningful.
Relationships erode.
LONG-TERM WIN:
Becomes a balanced, purpose-driven, emotionally present leader.
THE FIX:
Identity decoupling from achievement, slowing rituals, values reconstruction, and internal validation building.
5. THE LONE WOLF GUY
The Hyper-Independent Protector
PSYCHOLOGY:
“Trust no one.”
Self-reliance as survival.
Walls instead of boundaries.
BEHAVIOUR PROFILE:
Handles everything alone
Emotionally walled off
Doesn’t delegate
Doesn’t ask for help
Quiet suffering
ADDICTION RISK:
Isolation
Stoicism masking depression
Work
Late-night numbing rituals
IMPACT ON PARTNER:
She can’t reach him.
Feels shut out.
Feels unnecessary.
IMPACT ON KIDS:
Kids see a provider, not a father.
LONG-TERM LOSS:
Loneliness disguised as strength.
LONG-TERM WIN:
Becomes a pillar instead of a fortress.
THE FIX:
Vulnerability training, connection tolerance building, emotional decoding, and team-building identity.
6. THE NUMB & NODDING GUY
The Dissociated Responder
PSYCHOLOGY:
Chronic overwhelm.
Frozen identity.
Detached sense of self.
BEHAVIOUR PROFILE:
Goes through motions
Low energy
Low purpose
Zero internal spark
Says yes, feels nothing
ADDICTION RISK:
Passive scrolling
Food
Porn
Shutdown loops
IMPACT ON PARTNER:
Feels like she’s carrying the whole relationship.
IMPACT ON KIDS:
Kids feel invisible.
LONG-TERM LOSS:
Life becomes a blur.
Years vanish.
LONG-TERM WIN:
Rebuilds identity from the inside out.
Purpose returns.
THE FIX:
Identity ignition drills, somatic reactivation, purpose reconstruction, and daily micro-actions.
7. THE ESCAPE ARTIST GUY
The Addictive Pain-Avoider
PSYCHOLOGY:
Deep emotional pain.
Avoidant coping.
High sensitivity + low resilience.
BEHAVIOUR PROFILE:
Numbing
Escaping
Self-sabotage
Relief-chasing
Short-term comfort > long-term stability
ADDICTION RISK:
All of them.
Alcohol.
Drugs.
Porn.
Gambling.
Weed.
Food.
Chaos.
IMPACT ON PARTNER:
She carries fear and distrust.
Becomes his mother instead of a partner.
IMPACT ON KIDS:
Kids inherit emotional instability.
LONG-TERM LOSS:
Loses everything slowly.
LONG-TERM WIN:
Becomes deeply self-aware, emotionally stable, resilient, and grounded.
THE FIX:
Addiction loop rewiring, subconscious trauma mapping, emotional tolerance building, and identity stabilization.
8. THE DOG WALKER GUY
The Overly-Nice, Approval-Addicted Avoider
PSYCHOLOGY:
Fear of rejection.
People-pleasing as survival.
Conflict = danger.
BEHAVIOUR PROFILE:
Avoids hard conversations
“Nice” instead of honest
Bottles resentment
Over-apologizes
Lives to keep the waters calm
ADDICTION RISK:
Approval
Escape
Low-level dopamine cycles
IMPACT ON PARTNER:
She feels like the emotional parent.
Zero polarity.
IMPACT ON KIDS:
Kids lack a model of assertiveness.
LONG-TERM LOSS:
Resentment → collapse → self-resentment → identity crisis.
LONG-TERM WIN:
Kind AND powerful.
Finally becomes a man who speaks the truth.
THE FIX:
Boundary setting, assertiveness mapping, conflict capacity training, and self-respect development.
9. THE KING OF GOOD INTENTIONS GUY
The Over-Promising Under-Achiever
PSYCHOLOGY:
Fantasy identity.
Avoids failure by never committing fully.
Lives in “potential land.”
BEHAVIOUR PROFILE:
Talks big
Plans big
Executes nothing
Emotional highs, no follow-through
Constant “starting Monday” guy
ADDICTION RISK:
Grandiosity
Avoidance
Escapism
Ego maintenance
IMPACT ON PARTNER:
She doesn’t believe anything he says anymore.
IMPACT ON KIDS:
Kids learn inconsistency as normal.
LONG-TERM LOSS:
Dies with half-built dreams and a reputation for flaking.
LONG-TERM WIN:
Becomes disciplined, structured, reliable, and trustworthy.
THE FIX:
Execution frameworks, accountability architecture, habit grounding, and self-respect development.
10. THE CONTROL FREAK GUY
The Hyper-Vigilant Commander
PSYCHOLOGY:
Childhood chaos → adult rigidity.
Control = safety.
Masculine identity is built around dominance, not leadership.
BEHAVIOUR PROFILE:
Micromanages everything
High tension
Low flexibility
Dominant energy
Needs certainty to function
ADDICTION RISK:
Perfectionism
Power
Control loops
Stress cycles
IMPACT ON PARTNER:
Feels suffocated.
Feels parented.
Loses feminine expression.
IMPACT ON KIDS:
Kids adopt anxiety and perfectionism.
LONG-TERM LOSS:
Family withdraws.
Leadership becomes tyranny.
LONG-TERM WIN:
Becomes a calm, grounded, centred leader people WANT to follow.
THE FIX:
Nervous system down-regulation, surrender training, uncertainty tolerance, and masculine compassion development.